My Two Cents

How you doing? Are you okay? What’s wrong?

People often ask these questions out of pleasantry, some are even concerned and listen for the response. Here lately, these questions have become routine and often time it is met with a “I’m fine. How are you.”, “I’m good and you?”, “Nothing’s wrong”. They are now are routine or natural as breathing or blinking an eye.

But are we really okay? How am I doing? I will be honest, I am not okay. I am tired of wondering how many people are now infected with this virus that has invaded our day to day norms. I am sick of hearing the officials who should be working together to come up with a vaccine, a cure, or an intelligent response to what is going on, or what direction we are going in. I am tired that the ‘leaders’ are acting worse than small children and can’t be civil long enough to come up with a workable plan to find a solution to what we are going through. I am tired of the families going into or further into ruin due to the effects of this monster- whether it be mental, physical, emotional, or financial. I am tired of wondering when will things make sense again. I am sick of wondering who is going to be next and will I be able to able to say goodbye.

Am I okay? No I am not okay. I am sick of waking up in a world where I wonder will my brother, cousins, uncles, nephews, etc. make it home safe. I am sick of wondering when the world will begin to look at what is inside of a person versus what race/nationality/religion/sexual orientation they are. I am sick of wondering if ‘my babies’ will get to grow up and live a life full of adventure and freedom. I am sick of wondering which person actually has my back versus being against me. I am sick of wondering when will we get it? when will change come? I am sick of wondering what more I can do when I am not the only person to make change. I am sick of needing to remind people Black Lives Matter, Equality for All, Freedom of Speech, I am sick of wondering was Martin’s words all for nothing. I am sick of wondering when will all of this end.

What’s wrong? I am angry. I am hurt. I am mad. I am disgusted. I am tired. I am pissed. I am disappointed. I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am empty.

Although all of these describe the thoughts and feelings going through my mind but my heart is hopeful. I am hopeful because even in the darkest moments, I realize that I still have my God and you have whatever your Higher Power. I also realize that to give up my hope it to give in the evils that have caused these negative feelings. I realize that things can change but……how???? Who will make change? Who is willing be the change? How will we change? Now, I am confused.

So, how are you?